If I were a parent by birth, I probably would have had about 250 pictures of my baby by the time he was a week old. As an adoptive parent, I counted myself lucky to have a handful of pictures of my son when he was approximately 4-5 months old. I never thought it would be possible for me to see what my son looked like soon after he was born, and then I lucked into a photo from when he was only weeks old.
This picture was in my inbox this morning and I have been staring at it on and off all day. It is unmistakable, this is my son. I feel lucky beyond words to have this photo. But I also felt something that I haven’t felt since Ben came home. When I was waiting for Ben to finally be ready for travel, I was aware that I was missing out on his life. Ever since he’s been home, I have been a little too busy to dwell on all the little moments I missed.
It only took one little picture to turn me into an emotional mess. All I can think of when I look at my sweet son is that I wish I had been able to be there and take care of him. He is so tiny and so innocent and by the time this picture was taken, he has probably already been through several caregivers. It simply breaks my heart.
This really hits home with me right now as we are deep in the throes of attachment and grieving the past. I am saddened as I too think of all the hands our children have been in but ever so grateful that they ended in ours. What a special treasure you received.
Hugs! Amazing to have the picture, heartbreaking to think about the time he wasn’t with you. Miss you both!
What an amazing juxtaposition of emotions, but totally understandable.
What a beautiful photo to be given. I so wish I had one of Alex. Your agency just surprised you with it?
Hi Sandra it’s Elisabeth. I just love that you got a picture of Ben. He is such a precious boy. I understand the emotions you must feel every time you see this picture. hugs
What a special, sweet photo! It never occurred to me that there might be *more* photos out there of our kiddos. I too get sad when I think of all the different people our children have had to rely on… but I do know that they were so, so loved but each and every one. (This will become evident when I finally get to posting about our SW visit)